He knows no fear!

Archive for November, 2011

Industrial action – Access denied

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General strike announcement

At midnight tonight, the staff of the OFFICIAL Sgt. Monkey website will be on strike for a peroid of 24 hours.

We regret to say that access to this website will be close for the duration of the strike.

This is in line with the general strike that will be across the UK tomorrow.

Fair pay and fair pensions for our monkeys....

NUMP the National Union of Monkey Performers had called for the strike tomorrow following a deadlock with government ministers whom rejected our demands for fair pay and fair pensions for the UK working monkeys population.

Monkeys all across the UK will be marching out tomorrow....

It is unfair that monkeys will have to work till 68 to get their pensions when the average life span of a monkey is 20 – 25 years! Surely the system is corrupt that no working monkey will ever live long enough to reach retirement age.

British working monkeys are angry....

Please support the monkey strikes tomorrow….

Thank you,

The webmaster team


Cooking for my girlfriend

I enjoy cooking meals for my girlfriend as she really likes my dishes.

Tonight I had treated her to pasta bolognese.

Me and my girlfriend in the kitchen this evening.

I must say I really did enjoy the desert that followed afterwards *blushs*.


Tickle scandal day 6

In a pre-dawn raid this morning, our wee monkey was arrested in his home.

The menace that was terrorizing Edinburgh has been caught.

Monkey was paraded in front of the magistrates this morning and found to be guilty of excessive tickling on innocent members of the public. A crime that serves a maximum of 7 years in jail.

Monkey was found to be a very naughty boy....

However, the court heard how Sgt. Monkey had exemplary service in the british forces and with this taken into account, monkey was released with only a caution.

The psychological report into monkey activities suggests that our monkey was suffering from combat stress – he is now receiving treatment for this condition.

The webmaster team


Tickle scandal day 5

The police are asking members of the public for help to catch the phantom tickler of Edinburgh.

At 1905 hours on Thursday 24th November, the tickler tickled a young woman at Haymarket station.

Police are descibing the attacker at 30cms tall, weight 2-3 kgs, dark brown skin with white spikey hair and a fluffy white beard.

The photofit below matches the description of the tickle attacker.

The Police are looking for this person.... Have you seen him?

Lothian and Borders Police


Tickle scandal day 4

The phanton tickler of Edinburgh is still at large!

Rumours are emerging that our wee monkey is the culprit!

The first tickle attack was reported on the steps to Waverley station on the 1st July 2011.

Tickle attacks across Edinburgh are on the rise, with 17 reported attacks this week alone.

The map below shows the locations of the reported attacks (1st July to 24th November, 2011):

A map showing the locations of the tickle attacks!

Police are advising members of the public to be careful when shopping in Edinburgh city centre and be on your guard against would be ticklers.

This man is the NOT the phanton tickler of Edinburgh, he is an entertainer! He tickles people for a living.

This man may be annoying but he is not the phanton tickler of Edinburgh!

More to follow….

The webmaster team


Tickle scandal day 3

More shocking images of our wee monkey tickling people!

Was our wee monkey involved with this?

Edinburgh Evening News reports that there are many incidents of people being tickled whilst they are going about shopping on Princes Street! Reports of a mysterious man wearing a cape was behind these random tickling attacks. Is our wee monkey this phanton tickler of Edinburgh?

Police are investigating….

The webmaster team