He knows no fear!

New staff members

Yesterday we had interviewed over a hundred candidiates for the various positions in our website offices.

We are please to announce that we have taken on four new members of staff.

They are:

Piers Morgan is our new Graphic Designer for the design of our website. In 1994, aged 28, he was appointed editor of News of the World by Rupert Murdoch, becoming the youngest national newspaper editor in more than half a century. He quickly gained notoriety for his invasive, thrusting style and lack of concern for celebrities’ right to privacy, claiming that they could not manipulate the media to further their own ends without accepting the consequences of a two way deal. Morgan’s autobiography The Insider states that he left the News of the World of his own choice and somewhat against owner Rupert Murdoch’s wishes when he was offered the job of Editor at the Daily Mirror. As editor of the Mirror, in 1996 Morgan was widely criticised and forced to apologise for the headline “Achtung! Surrender” a day before England met Germany in a semi-final of the Euro ’96 football championships. Morgan was fired from the Mirror on 14 May 2004 after authorising the newspaper’s publication of photographs allegedly showing Iraqi prisoners being abused by British Army soldiers from the Queen’s Lancashire Regiment. Within days the photographs were shown to be crude fakes. Under the headline “SORRY.. WE WERE HOAXED”, the Mirror responded that it had fallen victim to a “calculated and malicious hoax” and apologised for the publication of the photographs. Not only is Piers Morgan a complete twat but he is good editor so we hope his magic will increase membership and sales of our website.

The man is a complete twat! But we are employing him for his talents.

Su Pollard is our new domestic cleaner for our premises. Su was the maid who looked after the chalet lines in the awful and unfunny BBC sitcom HI-DEE-HI! Well for those of you too young to remember this trash that was broadcast every Sunday night on BBC1 throughout the eighties, well bully for you for missing it! As well as being a domestic cleaner, Su said in the interview yesterday that she will not only be cleaning our offices but will bring in some entertainment to our premises HI-DEE-HI!

Su is our new domestic cleaner for our offices.

Mike Tyson, our new night security guard. Tyson is a former undisputed heavyweight champion of the world and holds the record as the youngest boxer to win the WBC, WBA and IBF heavyweight titles. In the interview yesterday, when asked why would he be the ideal candidiate for our offices – Tyson said that he would protect our wee monkey by biting off the ear of anyone who want to harm our wee monkey. We liked that reply so we are employing him.

Mike will make sure no harm comes to our wee monkey!

Finally, our last new member of staff is Gok Wan who is our new Makeup Artist for our wee monkey. He is known for his appearances on many television programmes (including his own fashion show How to Look Good Naked), for providing fashion advice to celebrities and for contributing his views to fashion magazines published internationally. He said in the interview yesterday he knows how to make our wee monkey look good naked. We would like to see that for ourselves so we are employing Gok!

Our new Makeup Artist for our wee monkey.

We wish all our new staff members the best of luck in their new careers.

The webmaster team

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