Monkey’s secret recipe for the lads in the military!
They say an army marches on its stomach so tonight I am going to tell you what I feed my troops with.
An nutritional balanced meal comprising of five portions of fruit and vegetables is just what a hungry soldier requires prior to battle.
Sausages is the tradition meal in my own battalion. I am telling you how to cook a sausage and serve it under the false disguise of a nutritional meal.
You need to buy the cheapest sausage going. Tescos basic sausages are 39p for eight and consists of just 38% pork! The rest is processed crap. Sainsburys also sells 38% processed crap sausages as well.
To fry the sausage, use industrial grade cooking oil such as North Sea Brent Crude Oil. The same oil as to what you would fill your car up with.
Overcook the sausages by 10 minutes at least, so the sausage looks revolting and inedbile.
DO NOT cook any vegetables as modern day soldiers don’t require them and thus are exempt from the five portions a day guidelines. Remember our soldiers get their vitamins from drinking vast quantities of beer.
If you do make the mistake of cooking vegetables by accident, don’t worry as noone in the cookhouse will eat them anyway!
Next, serve the sausage with a mouldy looking baked potato. The more gray the texture the worst it will be for our young lads in the forces.
Enjoy your ONE sausage as their are no seconds. We are skint!
Next send your malnourish lads to Afghanistan.