The Monkey Party 2012 Budget statement
Today was the coalition government budget statement.
We listened to the chancellor of the exchequer Budget speech and whilst we welcome measures to reduce tax and to encourage growth, it is not enough. The Budget today was all cockle-a-doo-doo nonsense. Just nothing more than a small sticky plaster over the devestating financial problems that this country faces. The Budget today was typical give with one hand, take with the other hand. The poor got poorer and the rich got richer under the Budget today.
We were given exclusive access to a secret cabinet meeting dossier. The dossier is from a financial review meeting held last month at Downing Street. The meeting was chaired by the Prime Minister David Cameron.
As you see, the dossier resembles child art work. It is obvious our Prime Minister is clueless about how to solve our country financial problems.
Obviously, our PM is clueless and is not under control of our country problems. As you can see, our very own PM is doodling in his office!!!!
While our PM doodles, the country finances are in a mess. Have a look at this chart.
So what is the solution to the Europe debt crisies, high taxes, the ever rising unemployment, increasing cost of living etc…? Well, the Monkey Party has the solution.
We have a plan for growth!
We have a plan for jobs!
We have a plan for tax cuts!
So what is our plan?
Our plan is simple, we are going to send a cuddly toy to the surface of moon by the end of the decade and safely bring him back to planet Earth.
That is our plan for growth!
Let us explain….
By sending a British cuddly toy to the moon, this will require research into the sciences. We will develop new technologies that we can trade with overseas. Oversea countries will want to buy our new advances.
Our country national debt is £4.6 trillion. We can only pay off this debt if we generate new industries in our country. The cuddly toy moon landing project will produce the new industies that our country needs. With new supersonic engines and super conductor computers, we will be selling “Made in UK” products all over the world.
Unemployment in the UK is currently 2.8 million. The proposed cuddly toy moon landing project requires a work force of approximately 2.8 million workers. Everyone will have a job when the Monkey Party is in power.
It is forecast that the cuddly toy moon landing project will cost £2.4 trillion. That is a lot!
So how are we going to pay for the cuddly toy moon landing project?
Are we going to raise taxes I hear you cry. NO, NO, NO and absolutly not!
We will not raise taxes for the cuddly toy moon landing project.
Read my lips, no more tax rises.
Instead, we will cull Tory MPs in Parliament. It has been reported that Tory MPs are claiming £2.4 trillion in coffee expenses in the Houses of Parliament coffee shop. So, we will cull all elected Tory MPs and the saved money will be diverted to the cuddly toy moon landing project.
So as you can clearly see, the cuddly toy moon landing project is affordable without the need for tax rises.
The investment in to this project will generate £9.7 trillion by 2020. That is more than enough to pay off our national debt of £4.6 trillion. The £5.1 trillion extra will be use to pay for tax cuts for everyone. YES! EVERYONE – rich or poor, we will all get tax cuts.
VAT reduced to 2.5%.
Income tax reduced to 10%
The success from the cuddly toy moon landing project will put the GREAT back into Britain. Oversea countries will continue to trade with us, buying our new technologies and science.
This chart demonstrates the predicted growth of our GDP after the cuddly toy moon landing project.
Vote for the Monkey Party in the 2015 General Elections and put a monkey into Parliament.
Put the cuddly toy on the moon and see the change.
Lets get Britain growing again.
The Monkey Party secretary