The MONKEY PARTY campaign for the Local Elections – part 1
It is election time again and we at the MONKEY PARTY are contesting for the council seat of Edinburgh.
The local elections are on the 3rd of May. We ask all our supporters to vote for us and put our wee cuddly toy into Edinburgh Council. Surely our own wee cuddly toy can do a better job than any LABLIBCON misguided politician.
We at the MONKEY PARTY are the OFFICAL fastest growing political party in the UK. In the 2010 General Elections we got 2 votes. In the 2011 Scottish Elections, we got 5 votes – that is a 150% increase on our share of the votes thus making us the fastest growing political party in the UK. Can we do better in the 2012 Local Elections?
Today our wee cuddly toy was out on the streets of Edinburgh campaigning to the general public.
Monkey was promoting his party to the residents of Edinburgh.
At a press conference at the Edinburgh International Conference Centre (EICC) our wee monkey revealed his policys for his local government campaign.
He identifed two key features affecting the people of Edinburgh that the monkey party will be campaigning on.
Edinburgh Trams Farce:
The trams scheme was supposed to make it easier for residents of Edinburgh to commute to work each day. Instead the scheme was a complete farce – it has brought chaos to Edinburgh streets and brought the city transport network to a standstill. The farce is years behind in delays and costing us a billion pounds.
Our wee monkey has the solution to Edinburgh transport crisis.
It is the piggyback to work scheme.
Let us explain: instead of spending a billion pounds to turn Edinburgh streets into a permanent construction site thus noone can get to work in time – we at the Monkey Party propose that we employ 100 bodybuilders who will piggyback local residents to work each morning. No need for buses, trains and trams. Just a simple solution to the communting problem – the piggyback bodybuilder.
Each bodybuilder will carry you (for a nominated fare) to work.
The fares for a piggyback around Edinburgh will be:
single journey £1.40
return journey £2.50
day ticket £3.50
overweight surcharge £5.00
senior citzens and children travel half price
no discounts for students
As you can see, a piggyback ride is exactly the same fare a bus fare. We had included a five pounds surcharge on fat people as we in the Monkey Party are the un-political correct party and we believe that overweight people should pay more to be carried.
As you can see, the piggyback scheme is what Edinburgh City needs. It is cheaper option than the one billion pounds trams farce that Edinburgh residents had to put up with. So, please vote the Monkey Party on May 3rd and let us get those bodybuilders piggybacking our residents around the streets of Edinburgh.
Edinburgh Royal Commonwealth Pool refurbishment:
At todays press conference by the Monkey Party, the party expressed concern over the recent 37 million pounds refurbishment of the Edinburgh Royal Commonwealth Pool. Whilst the new pool provides an Olympic-size swimming pool it does not have a waterslide nor a wave machine!
We at the Monkey Party believes that the residents of Edinburgh deserves a waterslide and a wave machine.
Why did a 37 million pounds refurbishment not includes these features – it is a scandal!
We spoken to the residents of Edinburgh and in a poll of 1000 residents, 87.8% of Edinburgh residents said that they want a waterslide and a wave machine.
We at the Monkey Party will be campiagning for a waterslide and a wave machine so that residents of Edinburgh can play in the newly refurbished pool.
Elect the Monkey Party in Edinburgh Council and we will build the waterslide and wave machine as a matter of priority.
Vote for Monkey on May 3rd and put the wee cuddly toy monkey into power.
The Monkey Party secretary