He knows no fear!

Archive for September, 2012

My kayaking trip to North Berwick in Scotland

Today I went sea kayaking around the coast of North Berwick in Scotland. North Berwick is a little fishing village off East Lothian near Edinburgh. It is popular with day trippers and tourists from Edinburgh as North Berwick is famous for its sealife and seabirds. Close to North Berwick in the Firth of Forth are many little islands including Bass Rock, Fidra, The Lamb and Craigleith. Each of these islands are famous for seabirds. Bass rock being the most famous for the largest colony of Gannets anywhere in the world whilst Craigleith is famous for it colony of Puffins. It is therefore understandable why so many people go to North Berwick for sea kayaking and I was going to paddle in my own large adult size kayak – I am only 30cms tall. My auntie was guiding me around the islands, she is very assertive when it comes to leadership and she does scare me at times.

Me in North Berwick looking across the beach towards Bass Rock.

Our trip was to start in North Berwick.

North Berwick was a wee nice little seaside town.

I was excited getting my own adult size kayak for the day. However, none of the spraydecks and buoyancy aids fitted me because of my wee size.

Our group consists of four adults and me!

It is recommended to wear a bouyancy aid when kayaking unlike me in this photograph. How naughty of me but you all know me, I am a daring cuddly toy willing to take risks.

The kayak was big but I was able to cope with my paddling.

I couldn’t keep up with the adults.

The others were leaving poor wee me behind!

We soon reached Fidra island and we were going to stop here for lunch.

The island is now an RSPB reserve for seabirds protection.

We stopped for lunch here and the island had a lot of bird poop everywhere. After lunch we headed back to North Berwick.

I was getting the hand of my paddle strokes.

North Berwick was 4 miles from Fidra island.

After six hours on the water we returned back to dry land.

I was knackered and my wee cotton fur was soaking so my auntie hung me out to dry on the washing line in the back garden.

For more information on North Berwick please visit:



The Monkey Party response to the Government Cabinet reshuffle

The Prime Minister reshuffle yesterday of the Government Cabinet was not welcome by the Monkey Party. We are not happy, not happy at all…. the same old faces. The corrupt crooks, the elitism Eton school boys, the expenses fiddlers. All of them in Government are filled with greed working for their banksters paymasters. We at the Monkey Party won’t expect the newly formed cabinet to make any changes for the ordinary working people of Britain.

Our Prime Minister David Cameron had let us down again!

Our fool Prime Minister David Cameron is running our country!

We at the Monkey Party HQs knew that was happening to our country.

Take a look at this photograph, this is the City of London 5th September 1952!

London was a beautiful city sixty years ago.

And this photograph is the same location today!

This is how London look today after sixty years of corrupt incompetence Governments.

See the change that sixty years of corrupt foolish Governments from both parties had ruined our once great country.

So what is the solution?

VOTE MONKEY in the 2015 General Elections and let our monkey cuddly toy run the country.

Our wee monkey is a true statesman for the working class people of Britain.

Our wee monkey doesn’t talk and doesn’t say much – his lips had been sewn together in a toy factory in China.

However, we at the Monkey Party HQs believe that a Prime Minister who doesn’t opens his mouth is a good Prime Minister for the country.

For the last sixty years, each time the Prime Minister speaks – the stock markets collapses, people lose their jobs and wars are started.

So let our cuddly toy run the country – he won’t say anything and won’t do anything to ruin our country even more.

Our party is the fastest growing policical party in the UK. We first came about in 2010 and had made significant advances in elections ever since.


You may remember our “Monkey Moon Landing” policy that will bring our country out of recession.


Only we can make Britain great again.

You may recall on TV yesterday that King Salmond is planning to make Scotland independant and to break up the Union.

We at the Monkey Party will not support King Salmond break up plans of the Union nor will we support the Conservatives motion of keeping the Union together. We support neither parties and therefore we propose the motion of a “maybe” vote in the Scottish independence vote.


Yesterday our clown Prime Minister announced his new Cabinet ministers.

However, today we at the MONKEY PARTY will announce our shadow Government Cabinet.

Mr. T will be our Secretary of Defence. His appearances on the A-Team had given him real experience working in hostile environments and he is a lads bloke. He knows his weapons and also knows Kung-Fu. His role in the A-Team has given him experience dealing with the bad guys. Whatever you do, don’t lock him inside the DIY shed or he will make a superweapon.

Mike Tyson will be our Home Office Secretary. He will fight crime by patrolling the streets and biting off the ears of any crooks he catches.

Our Chancellor of the Exchequer be the taxman! We will send the taxman on a 52 weeks a year holiday to the Cayman Islands. With the taxman out of the country, the hard working class of Britain will have no taxes to pay. However, with the taxman holidaying in the Cayman Islands all the tax dodgers with secret offshore bank accounts will be paying taxes instead.

The Ann Summers Nurse will be the Minister for Health. By wearing a sexy nurses outfit, pride and joy will once again be brought back into the NHS thus promoting patients recovery and good health.


Remember VOTE MONKEY in the 2015 General Elections and lets make Britain great again.

The Monkey Party secretary