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Monkey’s secret cockie recipe from Borneo

Tonight I decided to cook some cockie biscuits for the lads in my detachment.

This secret cockie recipe was passed to me by my grandmother. These cockies are easy to cook and taste just as good. They are ideal for packed lunches for the lads when on training exercises (or for your wife if she looking for a wee nibble).

Me checking the ingredients that I need to make cockies.


125g softened butter

100g light brown soft sugar

125g caster sugar

1 egg

225 g self-raising flour

1 tsp vanilla extract


1) Preheat the oven to 180°C (gas mark 4). Please get an supervising adult to help you.

2)  Beat the egg lightly.

Beating the egg.

3) Cream butter and sugars, once creamed, combine in the egg and vanilla.

Stirring in the beaten egg with the buttered sugar.

4)  Sift in the flour and mix together.

Sifting in the flour to the mix.

Mix the ingredients together to make the dough.

5) Roll out the dough and using a blunt knife, shaped off individual cocks (about 6 inches is typical size for a cockie). Place on to baking tray.

Shape each cockie onto the baking tray.

6) Cook for 10 minutes until just golden round the edges.

7) Take out of the oven and leave to harden for a minute before transferring to a wire cooling rack.

8) Finally to decorate the cockie, put some walnuts at the sacs of the cockie and some whipped cream at the bellend.

Decorate each cockie and boobie to your own personal taste.

Alternatively, you can also use the same recipe to make boobies. Shape the boobs into suitable size breasts and once cooked add a cherry to each breast.

My grandmother loves a good cockie or two.

Enjoy your cockies and boobies.


2 responses

  1. Pingback: Another monkey’s secret cockie recipe from Borneo | britisharmysgtmonkey

  2. Pingback: News on the edible penis front | Arnold Zwicky's Blog

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