He knows no fear!

Archive for March, 2015

The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015 – part 2

Today is day 2 of our election campaign trail. We are campaigning in Glasgow today and at 3pm our wee monkey will be addressing the nation at the conference centre at the SECC. Free entrance to the conference centre.

Today our wee monkey was busy reading the Financial Times studying the charts for the UK economy.

Today our wee monkey was busy reading the Financial Times studying the charts for the UK economy.

We are excited over the leaders debate to be shown on the BBC. As the leader of the Monkey Party our wee monkey is upset that the BBC has not invited him to the leaders debate so we will gatecrash the debate. It is only fair that all leaders of political parties are invited to the debate and not just the corrupt mainstream party leaders, thus you the viewer will get a fair and impartial debate helping you to decide who to vote for. So we have written a letter to the BBC asking for an invitation to the leaders debate.

Our wee monkey spent the afternoon in his office writing letters and emails.

Our wee monkey spent the afternoon in his office writing letters and emails.

“Dear BBC,

I am Sgt. Monkey, the leader of the fastest growing political party in the UK and also a distinguished war veteran. This is our second General Election campaign and I must express my disappointment that the BBC has not invited me to the leaders debate. This is very undemocratic as surely viewers of the BBC must be able to listen to the views and opinions of all political parties so that they can make a informed decision on who to vote for. Please invite me.

Love and peace,

Sgt. Monkey”

Our VOTE MONKEY stickers are now available from Monkey Party HQs. If you would like to plaster bus stops in your city with our stickers then please email us on our usual email address to recieve your stickers pack.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

Remember to VOTE Monkey on May 7th.

The Monkey Party secretary

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SPECIAL report live from the Monkey Party campaign trail

Today monkey made his first campaign speech to the public.

“Dear citizens, vote for me and I will promise that every British resident will receive a packet of nuts on Christmas Day.”

VOTE Monkey the party that will give you a packet of nuts on Christmas Day.

Yours if you VOTE Monkey!

Yours if you VOTE Monkey!

The Monkey Party secretary


The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015 – part 1

Today the pathetic Prime Minister David Cameron will ask the Queen for permission to dissolve Parliament thus signalling the official start of the General Election campaign. The polls will be expected to be announced for May 7th thus we have six weeks of campaigning in front of us.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We at the Monkey Party welcome this news as we know your suffering under the persistent failures of corrupt governments over the last seventy years.

We are the CHANGE that you need.

We are the party that listens to YOU.

If elected the Monkey Party will close the bars inside Parliament and make the MPs actually work for you.

We will make all MPs to say, “I am your obedient servent” each time they begin a speech inside Parliament.

The polls shows that we at the Monkey Party have less than 1% at the polls. We must work hard on our campaign to convince people to vote for us the party of CHANGE.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

If you would like to volunteer to join our campaign team please email the webmaster on our usual email address.

Monkey was knocking on residents doors this morning.

Monkey was knocking on residents doors this morning.

It is a clear choice for the people of Britain – a country run by fools or a country run by a cuddly toy.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

Helping you to decide.

The Monkey Party secretary


The Monkey Party 2015 Budget statement

Yesterday the pathetic excus of a coalition government gave us the budget statement and what viral greeny snotty diarrhoea it was.

We at Monkey Party HQs became ill, in fact very ill, when we were listening to the chancellor’s speech. We were shock that we must now give up our chocloates to the government tax department. Is anything tax free these days! Even sex is taxing. Even dying is taxing too – so don’t die unless you can afford it.

We in the Monkey Party believe that the real reason that over once great country is bankrupt is because our policitans are abusing the system. Yes, thats right. They milk our system day and night and yet they have the cheek to acuse the disabled to be spongers. They tax our disabled war veterans and many others and yet they get subsidised meals at Parliament and travel expenses paid for as well as hotel rooms with call girls and/or rent boys!

It is time that we do something about this.

We are going to TAX the politicians.

They bankrupt the country so they must pay!

We will charge each MP a tax of £50 per day just for being a politician. We will collect this fee from them as they leave Parliament each day. We will not let them out of Parliament unless they pay up and too right.

We will tax this!

We will tax this!

We will call this the elitism tax.

Any policians refusing to pay this tax will not be allowed to go home each day – they will remain in Parliament untill they pay up.

Our politicians rather spend time in the subsidised bar.

Our politicians rather spend time in the subsidised bar.

Our MPs are busy sex texting whilst at work.

Our MPs are busy sex texting whilst at work.

Too busy at the bar?

Too busy at the bar?

Only four Labour MPs bother to turn up!

Only four Labour MPs bother to turn up!

They rather pick their noses!

They rather pick their noses!

They even fall asleep on the job!

They even fall asleep on the job!

We will only collect this tax from them as they leave the Parliament building.

Look at this chart, with our policians paying taxes our country GDP increases:

This chart clearly shows how the UK GDP will accelerate after our politicians pay tax.

This chart clearly shows how the UK GDP will accelerate after our politicians pay tax.

This is our alternative tax to the dribble that was presented to us yesterday from the coalition government.

The polician elitism tax is a fair tax for the ordinary people of Britain.

VOTE Monkey and let us get this country growing again.

The Monkey Party secretary


The Monkey Party response to the 2015 Budget by the Coalition Government

Today was the 2015 Budget by the Coalition Government and what a pile of dung beatles it was.

Do we seriously expect today’s annoucements will get our once great country back into shape?

Our panel of financial experts disagree!

Our expert panel at Monkey Party HQs were analyzing today's statement.

Our expert panel at Monkey Party HQs were analyzing today’s statement.

The poor got poorer and the rich got richer.

The Budget statement today was a bombshell.

People exploded as they heard the Chancellor's speech.

People exploded as they heard the Chancellor’s speech.

Our country is in debt and is now one of the most indebted countries in the world.

Today’s propose new chocolate tax by the Coalition Government will not solve our debt crisies.

From April 1st, each taxpayer is to pay a bar of chocolate to Parliament each working day. The rules are simple – if you are in full time work and aged 16 to 75 then the new tax laws requires that you pay a chocolate bar to the Government each working day.

This new chocolate tax will tax those with little or no chocolate. We have no ideal how the working class earning so litle can have enough chocolate in their pantries to pay the chocolate tax.

The super rich will be storing their chocolate in tax havens such as the Cayman Islands where the chocloate will melt in the tropical heat and will therefore become untraceable back to the British supply chain. Forgery chocolate will be sold back to the working class people of Britain and that will transfer wealth to the super rich.

We must oppose this new chocolate tax.

You can lick the new chocolate tax....

You can lick the new chocolate tax….

With Easter coming up, millions of working class people in the UK will be unable to eat chocolate Easter eggs due to the chocolate tax. We will have to eat real eggs instead.

No more chocolate eggs.

No more chocolate eggs.

They can take our lives but they can never take our chocolate….

They are laughing at us!

They are laughing at us!

Tomorrow the Monkey Party will published it own 2015 Budget statement. A plan for real growth for our great country.

Are you paying enough tax?

Are you paying enough tax?

A wee poem for the ordinary tax payers:

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his #$%$.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid.

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
It’s time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Cooking Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Goods and Services Tax (GST)
Death Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Income Tax
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Petrol Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Heating Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Lighting Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Pension Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Tax
Value Added Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Tax (VAT) on Tax.
And Now they want a blooming Carbon Tax!

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world… We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle cl#$%$,a huge manufacturing base, and Mum stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the Hell happened? Could it be the lying parasitic politicians wasting our money?
Oh, and don’t forget the relatively new bank charges….

VOTE Monkey at the General Elections.

The Monkey Party secretary


The Monkey Party 2015 Pre-Budget statement

Tomorrow is Budget 2015. This is the last budget speech before the General Election and no doubt be full of false lies to convince the sheeple to vote for them. The Chancellor George Osborne will make his Budget 2015 statement to Parliament on Wednesday 18th March 2015 at 1230 hours.

Do you remember this hellish scene from last year's Budget?

Do you remember this hellish scene from last year’s Budget?

At Monkey Party HQs our team of financial experts from Oxford University and Cambridge University, and the London School of Economics will be analyzing the budget speech as it is read out.

Our experts at Monkey Party HQs will be answering your Q&As.

Our experts at Monkey Party HQs will be answering your Q&As.

We will be bringing you live updates from the day events so that you are always informed of what is happening and just how bad it really is once we take out the b******t.

Did you vote for him?

Did you vote for him?

Don’t be fooled into thinking that our Prime Minister has your interests at heart with his pre-election spin nonsense. It is all spin to get the sheeple to vote for him on May 7th.

Our Prime Minister listens to you!?!

Our Prime Minister listens to you!?!

On March 19th we the Monkey Party will be publishing our alternative Monkey Party Budget 2015 statement.

Monkey reading up his 2015 Budget speech statement

Monkey reading up his 2015 Budget speech statement.

We at the Monkey Party listens to you.

We know your suffering…

…and we know the solutions.

That is why you must VOTE monkey on May 7th.

Our alternative Monkey Party Budget 2015 statement will have REAL promises to YOU and YOUR family.

Our 2014 Budget statement is here: https://britisharmysgtmonkey.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/the-monkey-party-2014-budget-statement/

Vote Monkey and lets get monkey power.

The Monkey Party secretary


The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015

Hello voters and monkey fans. It is only two months before the General Elections in the UK. This is a chance for REAL change. Yes “REAL” change. Let us kick out the elitist politicians and put our wee cuddly toy monkey into power.

Only a monkey cuddly toy can represent us the working class. With Sgt. Monkey as our Prime Minister we will guarantee the following:

No more tax rises
No more illegal wars
No more expenses scandals
No more poverty
No more homelessness
No more job losses
No more low pay
No more recession
No more bank bail outs
No more banker bonuses
No more lost of pensions
No more lost of personal savings

In addition we promise to send Tony Blair to the International War Crimes Tribual in the Hague.

We believe that ex-prime ministers must be held to account for their own actions.

Are you fed up of the same LABLIBCON polictians ruining our once great country then vote MONKEY on May 7th and see the REAL change.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are today officially starting our 2015 General Elections campaign today. The MONKEY PARTY is the fastest growing political party in the UK. We offer real change to the 70 years of corruption by the ruling political elite.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

Over the years we the MONKEY PARTY had stood up to the LABLIBCON stooges and offer REAL change to the ordinary people of the UK. This is our second General Election campaign and we are roaring to FIGHT. Are you?

Please study our policys that we had proposed over the years.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

You may had remember our policys such as our opposition to the sex tax a.k.a “bonk” tax. You may also remember that we support joining the BUMS organisation (Borneo Union of Member States). You may also remember our cuddly toy moon landing program. You may also remember our opposition to the Edinburgh trams farce and our alternative scheme for the piggyback to work scheme. We also campaign for an inflatable water slide to be built in Edinburgh swimming pool. You may also remember that we propose that we drop the collapsing British pound and instead base a new currency called the COCO based upon our coconuts standard reserve. Finally would could forget out unsuccessful campaign in 2010 to bring back Captain Caveman to our telly.

We need volunteers in our 2015 General Elections campaign.

Our elections campaigning team

Our elections campaigning team

Can you spare a few hours a week to help us with our campaign?

We need volunteers to deliver our leaflets and to knock on people doors. Can you help? If so, please contact our webmaster on our usual email and tell us how you can help the MONKEY PARTY campaign.

We will give all of our campaign volunteers a pistachio nut for their hard work.

We will be giving away a free pistachio nut to all of our volunteers.

We will be giving away a free pistachio nut to all of our volunteers.

We don’t pay bus fare expenses as unlike the mainstream policical parties we do not accept lobbyist bribes and thus we are skint.

Please join the FIGHT back.

The Monkey Party secretary