He knows no fear!

The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015 – part 8

It is almost the end of week 3 of our election campaign and our poll is showing the Monkey Party on 75% public opinion. Our wee monkey was speaking at Birmingham NEC this afternoon and in his speech he spoke about the Monkey Party policy for women empowerment and equality.

The Labour Party had launch the pink bus to highlight women empowerment. We at the Monkey Party find the pink bus to be disgusting as it highlights the stereotyping of the colour pink to the female sex. We fail to see how pink can represent women empowerment and equality. What Labour is saying is that women belong to the kitchen! We at the Monkey Party believe that women should be equal in the work place and not stereotype with the colour pink.

The Labour Party pink bus!

The Labour Party pink bus!

What on earth is Harriot Harman is trying to say about women?!?

Harriet Harman joined Labour candidate for Wirral West Margaret Greenwood with the party's pink bus.

Harriet Harman joined Labour candidate for Wirral West Margaret Greenwood with the party’s pink bus.

That is why we have our own policy on women rights with our stand up and piss policy.

Women should be standing up to wee if they want gender equality.

Women should be standing up to wee if they want gender equality.

Let me explain. We believe that for women to be taken serious by men in the workplace is that women must urinate standing. We therefore will promote the use of urinals for women and end the practice of sitting to piss.

How will we get women to urinate standing? With the aid of a shewee device. We will issue every woman in the country a shewee straight from eBay.

Introducing the shewee!

Introducing the shewee!

At a cost of £3.99 each then to provide 35 million females with a shewee will cost the country £140 million. A small price to pay for women empowerment.

So what is a shewee?

The shewee in its glory!

The shewee in its glory!

The shewee allows women to urinate whilst standing.

As quoted from the offical shewee website:

“Invented in 1999 by Samantha Fountain while at university, the Shewee was made as a way to improve trips to toilets for women. The germs, doors that don’t lock, lack of loo roll; all things that women hate about (the usually disgusting) women’s public toilets can be solved with the use of a Shewee.

The first Shewee was made publicly available in 2003, and since has become fully established in the outdoor market, which is where our passions lie. Due to the long amounts of time spent outdoors, usually in places where loos are few and far between, the Shewee fell into the outdoor market with ease.

Shewee is now rapidly appealing to ‘everyday’ women who, like us, hate using public toilets and want something to make it easier and cleaner than trying to squat and hover over away from the germs.”

How to use a shewee.

How to use a shewee.

Women are to carry their shewees with them at all times.

Now men and women can have gender equality.

Now men and women can have gender equality.

Even top celebrities are recommending shewees…

As seen on Top Gear!

As seen on Top Gear!

Once all of our women are peeing standing, we will then carry out our next policy in women rights. That is to ban male and female toilets. Instead all toilets in the workplace and all public toilets will be unisex. Women and men can standing pissing together shoulder to shoulder. We believe that this will be the ultimate expression of women empowerment and equality of the sexes.

Unisex toilets is all about gender equality.

Unisex toilets is all about gender equality.

With our women peeing next to their bosses at work, this will help to ensure equal pay and promotion to the board.

The workplace toilet!

The workplace toilet!

If you agree with our women empowerment policy then please vote for us on May 7th.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

Only the Monkey Party take the piss seriously.

The Monkey Party secretary

If you are interested in the shewee then please visit the official shewee website at:

www.shewee.com

If you wish to buy a shewee then purchases can be made on eBay at:

http://www.ebay.co.uk/bhp/shewee

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