My travels to Malaga, Spain in 2015
After my defeat in the elections and my fall from grace as leader of the Monkey Party I decided to spend more time with my family and go on a holiday to Spain for a week.
My accommodation was a self-catering rental in the centre of Malaga old town.
Not only were we in the heart of the town for the tapas bars and nightlife but we had a lovely roof top terrace with sunbeds, a roofed patio and a BBQ.
This meant I was able to sunbath away from the crowded public beaches and thus bathe in the nude which is great for getting that all sexy tanned cotton fur.
The next day we went to look at the Moorish fort in the centre of Malaga. The Alcazaba fort is well preserved fort and was built in the 11th century.
The fort has free entry on Sundays.
Next to the fort is a old Roman theatre.
After many days of being lazy and sunbathing we took a hour long bus to Antequera and then a short taxi ride to El Torcal Nature Reserve for some trekking. The park is some 30kms north of Malaga.
El Torcel Nature Reserve is famous for it unusual limestone rock formations.
The whole area was under the sea untill one hundred million years ago. The movements of the Earth’s crust forced it upwards into hills, the limestone kept rising in layered horizontal rock formations.
Over the years, rain and wind had chisel away the rocks to form unusual shapes.
Our walk begins at the visitors centre.
A number of walks are marked out with different coloured arrows. The green route is the shortest at 1.5 kms and is cluttered during the day of school children field trips.The yellow route follows on from the green route and is 2.5 kms whilst the red route is the longest at 4.5 kms. The red route has a viewpoint at 1339m altitude where the coast of Africa can be seen on a clear day.
The green route was very noisy with school trips. Once we had left the green route to join the yellow route, we more or less had the whole route to ourselves as very few people do the yellow or the red route.
It was quite cold and windy up here despite the warm sunshine at the coast before we headed up the mountains.
The nature reserve is captivated with 30 varieties of plant growing in the park.
The flora within the park is protected.
We decided that the next day we would take the three hour bus journey to Seville. When the next day arrived, we were so tired and knackered from our trekking the previous day that we decided to stay in bed. So no three hour bus trips.
I got myself a new hunting knife from an outdoors shop for a fraction of the price of UK shops. This made me feel like a big boy now.
I also went to a sex shop to top up my porn DVDs collection.
Soon our week was over and I had to head back to the barracks for duties.
For more information about El Torcal please visit (you need to be able to read Spanish!):