We bring you the most amazing news…
Our wee monkey is a dad!
At 1221pm on Thursday 5th November our wee monkey became a dad when a baby monkey was won at a 10p slot machine in a North Yorkshire funfair. The slot machine gave our wee monkey a baby monkey when he successfully grab a cuddly toy with a crane.
We at the webmaster offices were totally unaware that our wee monkey was seeing a lady monkey as we all thought that our monkey was dating a sexy Scottish girl who wears a sexy bikini whilst on holiday in Turkey! Obviously our wee monkey prefers other monkeys now! We do not know who the mother is! We can only assume the mum is “Pom” the prostitute monkey working in Bangkok.
But our records shows that our wee monkey has not been to Bangkok since 2011.
Our spies in Bangkok saw Pom working in the bars today!
Is Pom the mother?
Asking our medical advisor to our website, who could be the possible mother, our expert says that in this age of social media it is possible that “Pom” became pregnant through a webcam kinky session! In this day of age, anything is possible! Was our wee monkey doing his dirty deeds through social media and chatting to Pom over the webcam each night?
Is this how Pom appeared on the webcam each night?
Back in the UK, our baby monkey was settling into his new home after spending nine months inside the slot machine.
Our boss has granted our wee monkey time off work for maternity leave.
Our wee monkey and baby monkey will be going on holiday to Portugal next week.
We wish Mr Monkey and baby monkey all the best of luck –
– The webmaster team –
It is with sad news to announce that Sgt Monkey has retired from the British Army.
Our wee cuddly toy has served the Queen and country for over twenty years and has earnt a chestful of medals.
The simple truth is that our wee monkey can no longer climb over the 12 ft wall on the obstacle course.
From now on, we will call our wee cuddly toy monkey Mr Monkey. We will still call this website the Sgt Monkey website as it is too complicated to change the name of our website.
We ask all of our monkey fans to address monkey as Mr Monkey from now on when sending him an email or when putting a comment on to the blog.
Our wee cuddly toy has decided to go into the porn industry as a filmmaker. Our next door neighbours has agreed to help him as the cast for his first movie to be titled “What goes on upstairs?”
The movie is expected to be release on YouTube this coming winter.
We wish our wee cuddly toy all the best in his new chosen career.
– The webmaster team –
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here's an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 8,300 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 19,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals
The OFFICAL Sgt. Monkey website is please anounce our new ADOPT the wee monkey procedure.
Our wee monkey is a keen traveller, but he is only get three overseas holidays a year. We need your help to get our wee monkey cuddly toy travelling more.
With the increase in traffic to our website and the high number of followers we are attracting, we are now asking our followers to adopt our wee monkey for your next holiday. If you want to take our wee monkey with you on your next holiday wherever that may be, then please contact our offices at our usual office email. In your email please say where you intend to take our wee monkey to and why. We will then put you through our vetting procedures which includes four character references, a financial credit rating check, a criminal background check, and finally a check of the sex offenders list. If you are found to be a ex-convict or a peodophile then we will not release our wee cuddly toy to your care. If you pass our vetting then we will post the monkey to you by first class postage service and all we ask from you is to take photographs of our wee monkey on your travels wherever that may be. Please post the cuddly toy back to us after the holiday or else!
The webmaster team
Today is Valentine Day, the day of love! I have been single for six weeks since my bust up with my ex but I still love her and I miss her. It was wrong for me to punch her like I did but she was sleeping with another cuddly toy. However that does not excus my behaviour for hitting her. So today, I went over to my ex’s house with a bunch of flowers hoping she will forgive me for our bust up on New Year’s Eve.
She cuddle me and we made up our differences. I cooked her a romantic dinner and she gave me her love and affection.