He knows no fear!

Spain

My travels to Malaga, Spain in 2015

After my defeat in the elections and my fall from grace as leader of the Monkey Party I decided to spend more time with my family and go on a holiday to Spain for a week.

The flag of Spain.

The flag of Spain.

My accommodation was a self-catering rental in the centre of Malaga old town.

Not only were we in the heart of the town for the tapas bars and nightlife but we had a lovely roof top terrace with sunbeds, a roofed patio and a BBQ.

I was relaxing on the roof top.

I was relaxing on the roof top.

This meant I was able to sunbath away from the crowded public beaches and thus bathe in the nude which is great for getting that all sexy tanned cotton fur.

I was able to sunbathe in the nude.

I was able to sunbathe in the nude.

The next day we went to look at the Moorish fort in the centre of Malaga. The Alcazaba fort is well preserved fort and was built in the 11th century.

The Alcazaba of Malaga is well preserved.

The Alcazaba of Malaga is well preserved.

The fort has free entry on Sundays.

Next to the fort is a old Roman theatre.

A well preserved Roman theatre that is still in use today.

A well preserved Roman theatre that is still in use today.

After many days of being lazy and sunbathing we took a hour long bus to Antequera and then a short taxi ride to El Torcal Nature Reserve for some trekking. The park is some 30kms north of Malaga.

El Torcal Nature Reserve is famous for it rock formations.

El Torcal Nature Reserve is famous for it rock formations.

El Torcel Nature Reserve is famous for it unusual limestone rock formations.

The limestone has formed unusual shapes due to rain and wind.

The limestone has formed unusual shapes due to rain and wind.

The whole area was under the sea untill one hundred million years ago. The movements of the Earth’s crust forced it upwards into hills, the limestone kept rising in layered horizontal rock formations.

The rocks are layered.

The rocks are layered.

Over the years, rain and wind had chisel away the rocks to form unusual shapes.

A cow walks by.

A cow walks by.

Our walk begins at the visitors centre.

The start of our walk.

The start of our walk.

A number of walks are marked out with different coloured arrows. The green route is the shortest at 1.5 kms and is cluttered during the day of school children field trips.The yellow route follows on from the green route and is 2.5 kms whilst the red route is the longest at 4.5 kms. The red route has a viewpoint at 1339m altitude where the coast of Africa can be seen on a clear day.

The route was clearly signposted.

The route was clearly signposted.

The green route was very noisy with school trips. Once we had left the green route to join the yellow route, we more or less had the whole route to ourselves as very few people do the yellow or the red route.

It was cold and windy in the mountains.

It was cold and windy in the mountains.

It was quite cold and windy up here despite the warm sunshine at the coast before we headed up the mountains.

Unusual rock formations.

Unusual rock formations.

Rock stacks.

Rock stacks.

I was admiring the rock formations.

I was admiring the rock formations.

I was enjoying the sights.

I was enjoying the sights.

The nature reserve is captivated with 30 varieties of plant growing in the park.

Plenty of plant life.

Plenty of plant life.

The flora within the park is protected.

Out in blossom.

Out in blossom.

We decided that the next day we would take the three hour bus journey to Seville. When the next day arrived, we were so tired and knackered from our trekking the previous day that we decided to stay in bed. So no three hour bus trips.

I got myself a new hunting knife from an outdoors shop for a fraction of the price of UK shops. This made me feel like a big boy now.

I also went to a sex shop to top up my porn DVDs collection.

Shopping in Malaga was great.

Shopping in Malaga was great.

Soon our week was over and I had to head back to the barracks for duties.

For more information about El Torcal please visit (you need to be able to read Spanish!):

www.torcaldeantequera.com

Advertisements

My trip to Tenerife, Spain in 2012 – part 3

On my last day in Tenerife, I was going to Mount Teide (Pico del Teide). This is a volcano peak and the third highest volcano in the world, after Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa in Hawaii. It stands at 3,718-metre (12,198 ft) and is the highest peak in Spain. It is still active as an volcano but is currently dormant. The last eruption occurred in 1909 from the El Chinyero vent.

This is the highest mountain in Spain.

This is the highest mountain in Spain.

The volcano is within the Teide National Park and was named a World Heritage Site by UNESCO in 2007.

The park was declared a World Heritage Site in 2007.

The park was declared a World Heritage Site in 2007.

I parked the car at the Park HQs near the Roque Cinchado rock formation.

The car park at Park HQs.

The car park at Park HQs.

It was a sunny clear day and I wanted to get a photo of me next to the volcano.

It was a sunny clear day for my trek.

It was a sunny clear day for my trek.

The Roque Cinchado is a unique rock formation within the Teide National Park and is located about 1700 metres below the summit of Teide volcano. With the volcano in the background, this is a great location for photographs.

The Roque Cinchado rock formation with the volcano in the background.

The Roque Cinchado rock formation with the volcano in the background.

I was going to be trekking around the rock formations.

Lava rock could be seen around the formations.

Lava rock could be seen around the formations.

I trekked for two hours.

The lava was solid and was clear to see.

The lava was solid and was clear to see.

After my trek I was hungry and ate my sandwiches in the Park HQs.

I was enjoying my packed lunch sandwiches.

I was enjoying my packed lunch sandwiches.

My Colonel phoned me and asked me to return back to the barracks for a secret mission behind enemy lines.

For more information on Teide National Park please visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teide_National_Park


My trip to Tenerife, Spain in 2012 – part 2

Today I was going to go to the forests of Tenerife to look for rare and endangered wild animals.

Whilst I was in a bar last night, I was chatting to a few of the locals who told me of a rumor that “Giant Pandas” are native to Tenerife. Despite the rumors no video or photographic evidence had been produced showing the Tenerife Giant Pandas and all witnesses to the Pandas had been ridiculed as barking mad people. However, the latest edition of the “Tenerife Weekly” English speaking newspaper had a feature story on the evidence of fossils findings of Giant Pandas. The scientists had proof that Giant Pandas were in Tenerife 11.6 million years ago.

http://www.tenerife-weekly.com/giant-pandas-fossils-in-spain

An artist impression of the Tenerife Giant Panda from 11.6 million years ago.

An artist impression of the Tenerife Giant Panda from 11.6 million years ago.

Now you may think that Giant Pandas come from China, but I was determined to be the first to photograph the Giant Pandas of Tenerife and to prove that Giant Pandas are still alive in the forests of Tenerife.

With my expert guide Mr. E the expert naturalist, I set about making my discovery. Mr. E’s daughter claims to had seen the Tenerife Giant Pandas herself, but noone believes her… she is only 2!

I was heading to the mountains of the Macizo de Anaga range in the northeastern part of the island of Tenerife.

A map of Tenerife with a circle highlighting the Macizo de Anaga range.

A map of Tenerife with a circle highlighting the Macizo de Anaga range.

The mountain range with its altitude and the passage of the tradewinds is converted into a specially humid zone, which favors the existence of special diversity for the natural habitats, including the laurisilva trees. The forests on these mountains are a unique feature of this part of Tenerife which is generally dry. It was these forests I was going to be exploring today.

I drove up the TF-123 road and was climbing high into the mountains. It was cooler here up in the mountains. I was heading for the car park at a bunkhouse lodge called the Montes de Anaga Hostel.

http://www.alberguestenerife.net

Me driving into the car park at the lodge.

Me driving into the car park at the lodge.

The views from the lodge were great.

From the lodge I could see for miles around.

From the lodge I could see for miles around.

I could see all the way down to the coast.

The view from Anaga Natural Park.

The view from Anaga Natural Park.

From here on, we were to travel on foot through thick forests. Were we going to see the Tenerife Giant Panda?

The trek though the thick forest was hard going.

The trek though the thick forest was hard going.

We trekked for several hours, whilst our guide Mr E. used all his tracking skills to track down the Pandas.

It was hard going.

It was hard going.

We were using our ears and eyes to look for the Pandas.

The park has favoring plant and animal diversity, with more than 120 endemic species, some very rare and threatened.

The park has favoring plant and animal diversity, with more than 120 endemic species, some very rare and threatened.

Suddenly, our guide Mr. E trod on some Panda poo and his shoes began to stink of Panda’s crap. We knew that we were close to the Pandas.

We then heard it.

The rustles of leaves moving.

It was something big….

Very big….

Then….

Through the vegetation we saw it!

THE TENERIFE GIANT PANDA!

Was this the Tenerife Giant Panda?

Was this the Tenerife Giant Panda?

We saw it!

We saw the head through the leaves.

We saw the head through the leaves.

I saw it and I managed to take three photographs.

The Panda ran off into the thick forest.

The Panda ran off into the thick forest.

The Panda ran off into the thick forest but I already had the photographs.

Mr E. our guide was going to submit our photographs to the University of Madrid tomorrow.

To be continued….


My trip to Tenerife, Spain in 2012 – part 1

Last week I was enjoying a winter sun holiday in Tenerife in Spain. Tenerife is one of the one of the Canary Islands.

I was eager to top up my sexy fluffy tan whilst my mates back in my detachment freeze their nuts off whilst training in the Scottish Mountains.

I decided to stay in the sea resort of El Médano. A place of strong winds. This place is the place to go to for windsports and also watersports. El Médano is one of the world’s best windsurfing/kitesurfing locations.

The town square is in front of the main beach, which holds many local fiestas.

Me looking across the beach toward El Médano.

Me looking across the beach toward El Médano.

The first day was a cloudy day but it was still 21 degrees Celsius, alot warmer than Scotland. My plan was to climb the volcano outside El Médano called the Red Mountain (La Montaña Roja).

The Red Mountain (La Montaña Roja) just 2kms to the west of El Médano.

The Red Mountain (La Montaña Roja) just 2kms to the west of El Médano.

On the other side of the Red Mountain was a nudist beach called La Tejita. The nudist area is a small cove nearest to the mountain. I eager to show off my naked body to the Spanish gals and to see the gals naked too!

Me at the top of the Red Mountain.

Me at the top of the Red Mountain.

The climb up the mountain took me about an hour. The volcanic rock turns red as it oxidize with the air giving the mountain an red appearance.

Reading the plaque on the summit.

Reading the plaque on the summit.

At the summit I was able to peep down to the nudist beach and I could see naked gals. I was coming down whooooohoooo.

The view was great.

The view was great.

The clouds began to clear up and I was ready to get my kit off on the beach. Naked sunbathing is legal in Tenerife.

The wind made the sea rough.

The wind made the sea rough.

The cliffs around the mountain was great.

The volcanic rocks were great.

The volcanic rocks were great.

I reached the beach of La Tejita and the sun was coming out.

I got naked as I know a naked tanned monkey is good for the gals.

Me with my clothes off sunbathing naked, I covered my thingy with my hands!

Me with my clothes off sunbathing naked, I covered my thingy with my hands!

It was at that point that I became upset as I discover that all the naked gals were old aged pensioners! I saw a lot of saggy bums.

I was disappointed with the girls here!

I was disappointed with the girls here!

The sun setted over the beach.

The sun sets over the beach.

The sun sets over the beach.

Tomorrow I was going to go the forests of Tenerife to look for exciting rare wild animals.

To be continued….

For more information on El Médano please visit:

http://www.realtenerifeislanddrives.com/El%20Medano.html


Competition – Where’s Monkey?

My foster auntie is taking me to Tenerife in Spain for a winter sun holiday.

I will getting some winter sun.

I am excited at the news that I am going to Tenerife in December for some winter sun and sexy girls. I can’t wait to top up my tan and drink cheap booze whilst all my mates in Scotland freeze in artic blizzards.

A quick reminder that the deadline for entry into the current “Where’s Monkey?” competition is October 31st 2012.

All you have to do is to guess where is our wee cuddly toy monkey is in this photograph:

Our wee monkey is at the top of the world – but where is he?

If you think you know the answer and have not entered yet, then please see the link below for the full competition details:

https://britisharmysgtmonkey.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/competition-wheres-monkey-5

So get guessing and all the best of luck.

The webmaster team


My trip to Northern Spain in 2011 – part 3

Today I was going to do some sight seeing as my wee poorly feet were sore and had blisters on from the last two treks.

I was going to see the towns of Cangas de Onis and Covadonga.

Cangas de Onis is a town in the eastern part of the province of Asturias.

This bridge was built by the Romans.

An ancient Roman bridge lead into the town.

The ancient Roman bridge runs over the Sella River.

Cangas de Onis is not only an ideal base for trekking, but also kayaking in the river.

This church is in the centre of Cangas de Onis.

The town was small but pleasent for a wee stay.

Santa Cruz de Cangas de Onís is a small chapel in Cangas de Onís.

Santa Cruz de Cangas de Onís is a small chapel in the town. It was founded on an artificial mound by Favila, second king of Asturias. It was begun in 737 and consecrated that same year on 27 October according to its original foundation stone, which has been called the first literary monument of the Reconquista.

Santa Cruz originally housed the Cruz de la Victoria, an oak cross supposedly carried by Pelagius, Favila’s father, at the Battle of Covadonga.

The Battle of Covadonga of 722 was the first major victory by a Christian military force in Iberia following the Muslim Moors’ conquest in 711. The victory is regarded as the beginning of the Reconquista from the Muslins.

We then drove to the town of Covadonga. A huge Basilica devoted to Pelagius is seen from all around.

Basilica of Santa María la Real of Covadonga.

Our Lady of Covadonga is a title of the Virgin Mary, and a shrine devoted to her at Covadonga.

Place where Our Lady of Covadonga appeared to Pelagius.

According to tradition Pelagius retreated to a cave where a hermit had hidden a statue of the Virgin Mary from the Moors. He prayed to the virgin for victory.

Inside the caves of the Our Lady of Covadonga.

After visiting Covadonga, I went to the village of Poo to laugh at the village name sign.

The town of Poo.

Then I headed to the Colon Bar for a stiff drink.

The drinks from the Colon Bar were great.

All around Northern Spain were large Storks and it is common to see their nests on top of towers, rooftops and columns.

Stork nestings are seen throughout Northern Spain.

My Colonel phoned me up saying he had an urgent mission for me behind enemy lines. So I flew back to my barracks for a mission briefing.

For more information about the town of Cangas de Onis and Covadonga please visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cangas_de_On%C3%ADs

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Covadonga

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Covadonga

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Lady_of_Covadonga

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poo_(Cabrales)


My trip to Northern Spain in 2011 – part 2

The next walk on our trip to the Picos de Europa in Northern Spain was to the Lakes of Covadonga. They are two lakes at an altitude of 1134 metres above sea level in the Picos de Europa National Park.

The two lakes are are Lake Enol and Lake Ercina and was the original center of the Picos de Europa National Park back in 1918.

Auntie was driving us to the visitors centre at the lakes. The road that leads to the lakes starts at Covadonga and is 12.6 kilometres long at an average gradient of 7.3%. The most demanding section is La Huesera, 7 kilometres from the top of the climb, with an average gradient of 15%. It was a hair raising drive up to the lakes. At times I had to get out and push the car – I am only 30 cms tall! It was scary.

We eventually got to the car park and admired the mountain peaks.

I was impressed at the snow top mountain peaks.

Near the car park lie the Mines of Buferrera, some five minutes walk from the lakes. We made a small circuit walk in this abandoned mining area, which used to produce iron and magnesium. It operated between the years 1893 and 1932.

These mines are five minutes from the lakes.

We decided to do a circular walk over the grassy grazing grounds of the lakes by foot.

I was enjoying the views.

The snow top peaks are of the western massif of Picos de Europa range.

Lake Ercina with it grazing grounds for herds of cattle.

Swimming was not allowed in the lakes.

It was a lovely sunny day.

I kept my eye out for any hungry cuddly toy eating Wolves.

The views were great.

A little hill was halfway between the two lakes and we were able to look down on to the lakes.

Lake Enol surrounded by high mountain tops.

It was well into the thirties here and I was glad I had put on my suncream over my cotton fur.

The mountains had a perfect reflection in Lake Enol.

Going beyond the lakes we came across a remote chapel.

This little chapel was amongst the snow top mountain tops.

Not sure why this was built here.

Rural Spain is so beautiful.

After the trek, we headed back down to Covadonga for blue cheese sauce chips.

To be continued….

For more information about the Lakes of Covadonga please visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lakes_of_Covadonga