He knows no fear!

Posts tagged “LABLIBCON

The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015

Hello voters and monkey fans. It is only two months before the General Elections in the UK. This is a chance for REAL change. Yes “REAL” change. Let us kick out the elitist politicians and put our wee cuddly toy monkey into power.

Only a monkey cuddly toy can represent us the working class. With Sgt. Monkey as our Prime Minister we will guarantee the following:

No more tax rises
No more illegal wars
No more expenses scandals
No more poverty
No more homelessness
No more job losses
No more low pay
No more recession
No more bank bail outs
No more banker bonuses
No more lost of pensions
No more lost of personal savings

In addition we promise to send Tony Blair to the International War Crimes Tribual in the Hague.

We believe that ex-prime ministers must be held to account for their own actions.

Are you fed up of the same LABLIBCON polictians ruining our once great country then vote MONKEY on May 7th and see the REAL change.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are today officially starting our 2015 General Elections campaign today. The MONKEY PARTY is the fastest growing political party in the UK. We offer real change to the 70 years of corruption by the ruling political elite.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

Over the years we the MONKEY PARTY had stood up to the LABLIBCON stooges and offer REAL change to the ordinary people of the UK. This is our second General Election campaign and we are roaring to FIGHT. Are you?

Please study our policys that we had proposed over the years.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

You may had remember our policys such as our opposition to the sex tax a.k.a “bonk” tax. You may also remember that we support joining the BUMS organisation (Borneo Union of Member States). You may also remember our cuddly toy moon landing program. You may also remember our opposition to the Edinburgh trams farce and our alternative scheme for the piggyback to work scheme. We also campaign for an inflatable water slide to be built in Edinburgh swimming pool. You may also remember that we propose that we drop the collapsing British pound and instead base a new currency called the COCO based upon our coconuts standard reserve. Finally would could forget out unsuccessful campaign in 2010 to bring back Captain Caveman to our telly.

We need volunteers in our 2015 General Elections campaign.

Our elections campaigning team

Our elections campaigning team

Can you spare a few hours a week to help us with our campaign?

We need volunteers to deliver our leaflets and to knock on people doors. Can you help? If so, please contact our webmaster on our usual email and tell us how you can help the MONKEY PARTY campaign.

We will give all of our campaign volunteers a pistachio nut for their hard work.

We will be giving away a free pistachio nut to all of our volunteers.

We will be giving away a free pistachio nut to all of our volunteers.

We don’t pay bus fare expenses as unlike the mainstream policical parties we do not accept lobbyist bribes and thus we are skint.

Please join the FIGHT back.

The Monkey Party secretary

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The Monkey Party 2013 Budget statement

Yesterday was the coalition government budget statement and what a load of Tesco’s beefburgers a.k.a. horsemeat it was!

Horsemeat the state of our country's finances.

Horsemeat the state of our country’s finances.

Our experts at the Monkey Party HQs listened to the chancellor of the exchequer 2013 Budget speech and whilst we welcome measures to reduce tax and to encourage growth, it is not enough.

Our country is in a deep hole. We are losing credibility and we have just lost our AAA credit rating making our debt more expensive to pay off. Was yesterday’s budget going to restore our country’s pride? The speech yesterday was typical give with one hand, take with the other hand. The poor got poorer and the rich got richer under the budget yesterday.

Our country finances are in a mess, look at this chart.

The Chancellor's financial heartbeat.

The Chancellor’s financial heartbeat.

At first glance this chart looks like a ECG chart and not a GDP chart. It is in fact showing the heartbeat of our chancellor during his speech yesterday. Clearly, he was under stress and he does not have the nerves to deliver a financial winner. In fact, our experts at the Monkey Party HQs thought our chancellor was going to drop before he finishes his speech.

Our key financial experts studies these financial ECG charts carefully and their key findings are: a marked ST-segment depression in the lateral precordial leads (V5, V6) consistent with subendocardial injury. Clearly our chancellor was having a cardiac yesterday as he faced up to the country finances.

Our wee cuddly toy monkey has listened to you. Yes, YOU – the public! We listened to your suffering and feel your pain. We are now going to present our 2013 Budget – the Monkey Party action plan to get Britain growing again.

Our wee monkey was busy today with his election campaign.

Our wee monkey was busy today with his budget statement preparations.

We propose that the key to growth is departing the EU. Ahhh… but that is the far right UKIP and BNP policy I hear you say. But listen, we want to leave the EU and join the powermarkets of the Far East. Yes, thats right, our wee monkey is taking our country to his home of Borneo. We are going to join BUMS (the Borneo Union of Member States).

BUMS currently have three member states, that being Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei. The United Kingdom will become the fourth member state of BUMS. We will apply to the UN to get official recognition to get the UK become offically part of geographical Borneo. We wil then leave Europe forever. We will no longer be tied to the Euro crisies. Instead, Britain as part of the growing Asian financial Tiger will be on the mend and a proud member of BUMS. We will ask God himself to move our wee island to the South China Sea off Borneo and the new Pope will assist God in this almighty task. Britain will only be 20kms off the coast of Malyasia.

The four member states of Borneo Union of Member States (BUMS)

The four member states of Borneo Union of Member States (BUMS).

As a member state of BUMS, we will adopt the COCO currency. The British Pound is riddled with dept and has lost 66% of it value over the last 30 years due to inflation. However, the COCO which is linked to the coconut reserves of Borneo is a stable currency. It is not based on fractional banking where new money is created as debt thus existing money devalues as new debt is created. Oh no, the COCO is not a fractional banking currency, it is based on a real commodity that is the coconut reserves of Borneo. If we run out of COCOS, we simply plant more coconut trees.

The COCO currency.

The COCO currency.

With us adopting the COCO as our currency, we will be free of the debt crisies of Europe. The COCO each weighing 1kg each will solve our pickpockers crime wave. With each COCO so bloody heavy, pickpockers yobs will no longer be able to run away so easily after doing their bad deeds. So you be able to catch the little devils and duff them up with your baseball bat.

So, what is BUMS key industries? With Britain being recognised as geographically part of Borneo, the climate in the UK will become tropical. 60 million British people will need air-conditioners. Yes, we in the UK will build air-conditioners. Selling 60 million aircon unit will generate real manufactoring growth into our country. Britain will become the aircon powerhouse of the world and you Brits will feel the heat too.

We will become the world leader in aircon industry.

We will become the world leader in the aircon industry.

A new climate will boast our tourism industry. Imagine tourists scuba diving on the tropical coral reefs off Liverpool and imagine the topless babes on our beaches enjoying our new tropical climate.

Scarbourgh Beach, with it tropical climate will be a magnet for tourists with money.

Scarbourgh Beach, with it tropical climate will be a magnet for tourists with money.

This graph represents our tourism industry once we had moved Britain from the North Sea to the South China Sea:

This chart clearly shows how the UK GDP will accelerate after the cuddly toy moon landing project.

This GDP chart clearly shows how the UK will benefit from more tourism following our relocation to sunny Borneo.

Yes, thats right – we must leave Europe and not be dragged down into Eurozone debt. We will physically moved our blessed island to the powerhouse of Asia. Only then can we gain financial growth from the sell of our aircon units and topless babes tourism.

Vote MONKEY in 2015 and let us move to Asia or vote for LABLIBCON and stay in the doom and gloom of the Eurozone debt problem.

The Monkey Party secretary


The MONKEY PARTY campaign for the Local Elections – Results

Today, we at the Monkey Party made massive gains.

In the Edinburgh ward where our party leader stood as a candidate, we achieved 30 votes! This is a increase of 25 votes on our Scottish Elections campaign last year and 28 votes more than what the Monkey Party achieved in the 2010 General Elections.

This result is a 600% increase on last year results and once again proving that we are the fastest growing polictical party in the UK.

For a political party that is only three years old, we are growing more and getting bigger. We expect this growth to continue for the 2015 General Elections where we expect our wee monkey to become Prime Minister.

There was celebrations today in the Monkey Party HQs.

Monkey was partying this morning after hearing the news of our 600% increase in our share of votes.

So we didn’t win any seats on Edinburgh Council – sucks! But we gave the ruling three in one party LABLIBCON a bloody good kicking didn’t we? huh?

The Monkey Party secretary


The MONKEY PARTY campaign for the Local Elections – part 7

Tomorrow is the UK Local Elections 2012. This is your chance to stick your two fingers up to the three in one party LABLIBCON.  Our ruling politicians had failed us. They are corrupt, they fiddle whilst Rome burns. Too busy filing expenses form whilst we the people rot with high unemployment and national debt! It is time to replace our government with a cuddly toy. Our wee monkey doesn’t speak, doesn’t move or make any expressions but we do know one thing for sure – he will do a better job of running over councils than any LABLIBCON politician.

People like you are voting MONKEY.

Tomorrow vote the MONKEY PARTY for a better Britain.

Exit polls are showing a massive increase in the popularity of the MONKEY PARTY.

The Monkey Party Secretary.


The MONKEY PARTY campaign for the Local Elections – part 6

With only two days to go before the elections, we ask everyone to read the Monkey Party manifesto and make up their minds.

Please read our full manifesto here:

https://britisharmysgtmonkey.wordpress.com/2012/03/21/the-monkey-party-2012-budget-statement/

and here:

https://britisharmysgtmonkey.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/the-monkey-party-campaign-for-the-local-elections/

Our wee monkey is a councillor candidiate for Edinburgh Council.

Sgt. Monkey is a councillor candidiate for Edinburgh Council.

Our wee monkey is a very nice monkey, he is a traveller having travelled the world experiencing different cultures and people. He is an adventurer having trek the Sahara desert and climbed Mount Everest. He is a honest little monkey and is loyal to his girlfriend. He got his first aid badge in the Cub Scouts. He has served Queen and Country in the British Army and is proud of his service. Please vote for him, he is a lovely monkey.

If you vote for Monkey and Monkey get elected into Edinburgh Council, this picture represents how Edinburgh will look in 12 months time:

Edinburgh will bosom with Monkey running things.

If you vote for the lying deceiving three in one party LABLIBCON then this picture will represent how Edinburgh will look in 12 months time:

This is how Edinburgh will look if you DON'T vote for our wee monkey!

Vote Monkey on May 3rd to bring back common sense to British Politics.

The Monkey Party secretary


The MONKEY PARTY campaign for the Local Elections – part 4

Today our wee monkey, the Monkey Party candidate in the UK Local Elections was busy studying the financial growth forecast charts of our great nation. He is not happy! Not happy indeed.

News this week, released by the ONS that our country is back in recession is worrying. The three in one party LABLIBCON had failed us. They are incompetent. Far from getting our country moving again following the 2008 banking crisis, they had brought this country once again back to it knees. Our wee monkey is not happy with our failed coalition government.

Today our wee monkey was busy reading the Financial Times studying the charts for the UK economy.

This chart belows shows the decline in the UK ecomony under the coalition government:

The chart shows the decline in the UK ecomony under the coalition government.

This chart below shows the growth forecast of the UK ecomony under a Monkey Party government:

The charts shows the growth forecast of the UK ecomony under a Monkey Party government.

As the charts clearly demonstrates, we at the Monkey Party are able to flip and turn charts by using Microsoft Paint.

Only by voting the Monkey Party on May 3rd can we get the “Great” back into Britain.

Vote monkey on May 3rd and see the change.

The Monkey Party Secretary