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Posts tagged “politicians

The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015 – part 10

Tomorrow the country will vote! Today our wee monkey made his final speech of the campaign. His subject of today’s speech was homeland security. It is the Monkey Party priority to make sure that our street are safe. We are all fed up of fraudsters and crooks especially politicians. They are the real crooks not the petty thiefs that lout our streets. The politicians are the worst kind of criminals, they screw each and everyone of us every single day.

The thieves den!

The thieves den!

That is why the Monkey Party has it own homeland security policy. We are going to build the great Westminister Wall around Parliament. We will contain all the politicians behind this vile piece of concrete and guard it 24/7 to prevent any politician from climbing over it. A bit like the Berlin Wall.

The Westminister Wall will keep vile politicians contained.

The Westminister Wall will keep vile politicians contained.

No politician will ever roam our streets ever again and we will all feel safer. Our guards will have a shoot to kill policy when patrolling the Westminister Wall so you can be assure that no crooked politician will climb over the wall and impose a bedroom tax on you.

Our guards will shoot to kill.

Our guards will shoot to kill.

Tomorrow is your chance to make a real change to how our country is run. Do not vote the same old liars and scumbags and instead vote for the Monkey Party. We are the party for YOU!

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

Please VOTE MONKEY tomorrow! The Monkey Party secretary

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The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015 – part 4

Today is day 4 of campaigning and we can now tell you that our wee monkey is not getting of of bed today. So we have no news to tell you today.

Monkey was staying in bed today.

Monkey was staying in bed today.

Monkey is upset at not being invited to the ITV Leader’s Debate on the TV tonight so he is staying in bed all day. So unfair.

The Monkey Party secretary


The Monkey Party 2015 Budget statement

Yesterday the pathetic excus of a coalition government gave us the budget statement and what viral greeny snotty diarrhoea it was.

We at Monkey Party HQs became ill, in fact very ill, when we were listening to the chancellor’s speech. We were shock that we must now give up our chocloates to the government tax department. Is anything tax free these days! Even sex is taxing. Even dying is taxing too – so don’t die unless you can afford it.

We in the Monkey Party believe that the real reason that over once great country is bankrupt is because our policitans are abusing the system. Yes, thats right. They milk our system day and night and yet they have the cheek to acuse the disabled to be spongers. They tax our disabled war veterans and many others and yet they get subsidised meals at Parliament and travel expenses paid for as well as hotel rooms with call girls and/or rent boys!

It is time that we do something about this.

We are going to TAX the politicians.

They bankrupt the country so they must pay!

We will charge each MP a tax of £50 per day just for being a politician. We will collect this fee from them as they leave Parliament each day. We will not let them out of Parliament unless they pay up and too right.

We will tax this!

We will tax this!

We will call this the elitism tax.

Any policians refusing to pay this tax will not be allowed to go home each day – they will remain in Parliament untill they pay up.

Our politicians rather spend time in the subsidised bar.

Our politicians rather spend time in the subsidised bar.

Our MPs are busy sex texting whilst at work.

Our MPs are busy sex texting whilst at work.

Too busy at the bar?

Too busy at the bar?

Only four Labour MPs bother to turn up!

Only four Labour MPs bother to turn up!

They rather pick their noses!

They rather pick their noses!

They even fall asleep on the job!

They even fall asleep on the job!

We will only collect this tax from them as they leave the Parliament building.

Look at this chart, with our policians paying taxes our country GDP increases:

This chart clearly shows how the UK GDP will accelerate after our politicians pay tax.

This chart clearly shows how the UK GDP will accelerate after our politicians pay tax.

This is our alternative tax to the dribble that was presented to us yesterday from the coalition government.

The polician elitism tax is a fair tax for the ordinary people of Britain.

VOTE Monkey and let us get this country growing again.

The Monkey Party secretary


The Monkey Party General Election Campaign 2015

Hello voters and monkey fans. It is only two months before the General Elections in the UK. This is a chance for REAL change. Yes “REAL” change. Let us kick out the elitist politicians and put our wee cuddly toy monkey into power.

Only a monkey cuddly toy can represent us the working class. With Sgt. Monkey as our Prime Minister we will guarantee the following:

No more tax rises
No more illegal wars
No more expenses scandals
No more poverty
No more homelessness
No more job losses
No more low pay
No more recession
No more bank bail outs
No more banker bonuses
No more lost of pensions
No more lost of personal savings

In addition we promise to send Tony Blair to the International War Crimes Tribual in the Hague.

We believe that ex-prime ministers must be held to account for their own actions.

Are you fed up of the same LABLIBCON polictians ruining our once great country then vote MONKEY on May 7th and see the REAL change.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are the fastest growing political party in Scotland.

We are today officially starting our 2015 General Elections campaign today. The MONKEY PARTY is the fastest growing political party in the UK. We offer real change to the 70 years of corruption by the ruling political elite.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

Our wee monkey was out on the streets of Edinburgh today campaigning.

Over the years we the MONKEY PARTY had stood up to the LABLIBCON stooges and offer REAL change to the ordinary people of the UK. This is our second General Election campaign and we are roaring to FIGHT. Are you?

Please study our policys that we had proposed over the years.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

Monkey was discussing his policies with residents at their door steps.

You may had remember our policys such as our opposition to the sex tax a.k.a “bonk” tax. You may also remember that we support joining the BUMS organisation (Borneo Union of Member States). You may also remember our cuddly toy moon landing program. You may also remember our opposition to the Edinburgh trams farce and our alternative scheme for the piggyback to work scheme. We also campaign for an inflatable water slide to be built in Edinburgh swimming pool. You may also remember that we propose that we drop the collapsing British pound and instead base a new currency called the COCO based upon our coconuts standard reserve. Finally would could forget out unsuccessful campaign in 2010 to bring back Captain Caveman to our telly.

We need volunteers in our 2015 General Elections campaign.

Our elections campaigning team

Our elections campaigning team

Can you spare a few hours a week to help us with our campaign?

We need volunteers to deliver our leaflets and to knock on people doors. Can you help? If so, please contact our webmaster on our usual email and tell us how you can help the MONKEY PARTY campaign.

We will give all of our campaign volunteers a pistachio nut for their hard work.

We will be giving away a free pistachio nut to all of our volunteers.

We will be giving away a free pistachio nut to all of our volunteers.

We don’t pay bus fare expenses as unlike the mainstream policical parties we do not accept lobbyist bribes and thus we are skint.

Please join the FIGHT back.

The Monkey Party secretary


Scotland Referendum: The Big Decision!

As you all know, Scotland will vote for it independance from the ruthless English thugs later tomorrow.

This could led to breakup of the Unitied Kingdom as we know it!

We at the Monkey Party take this referendum seriously and we are running the “maybe” campaign. All today we have been putting up “maybe” stickers all over Edinburgh’s bus stops. We have no debate so just decided to stick stickers up everywhere and not actually informing members of the public what our policys are.

Putting trust back into Parliament

The public supports the Monkey Party.

We do not support the “yes” campaign led by the pretend King of Scotland Alex Salmond nor do we support the “no” campaign led by the muppet clown David Cameron. The Monkey Party is a political party of principles and we will NEVER form a coalition with an enemy political party as we will NEVER betray our supporters (UNLIKE THE LIB DEMS). Even if we agree with the policys of rival political partys we will never support that policy because it comes from our rivals and not from our own mouths. That is why we are running the case for a “MAYBE” vote at the referendum as we do not back the yes or the no vote.

We at the Monkey Party believe that the “maybe” vote is the best option for the people of Scotland as a vote for either David Cameron “no” vote or the King of Scotland “yes” vote is a vote for tyrants.

The two tyrants who want to rule YOUR life!

The two tyrants who want to rule YOUR life!

YOU ARE FREE PEOPLE – do not vote for a tyrant.

If you vote either “yes” or “no” in the referendum then you are voting for the ruling elite to rule over your LIFE!

BE FREE – do not let a politican rule and ruin your life.

Make your own decisions and live life the way you want to lead it – DON’T let others make decisions for you.

If the referendum results with a “MAYBE” results then no one will have won the vote and thus noone will be place in charge of Scotland. The country will be leaderless.

IMAGINE a Scotland without a leader – you will be free to do anything you want (except murder).

THINK of a country without a government! You will be free from rules and laws and more important you will have no tax liabilities. You earn the money so keep it, don’t give your hard earnings to the tryants.

We at the Monkey Party believe that the best politician will be the one that keeps his/her mouth shut and not do anything! SO DON’T vote any such creeps into power. Imagine a country without politicians – there will be no WAR, no DEBT and no TONY BLAIR!

Politicians always screw up! This has been proven to be true many times over in the last sixty years of British politics. So don’t vote for them. Scotland does not need Cameron or King Salmond in power.

The Prime Minister with his referendum chief advisor.

The Prime Minister with his referendum chief advisor.

Each time a politican leader makes a decision or speaks his/her mind – the result has been mayhem! Wars are started, tax goes up and stock markets collapse.

THAT is why you must vote neither “yes” or “no”.

The Electoral Commission has now printed the OFFICAL ballot paper for the referendum. Below is a copy of the ballot paper – as you can see the “MAYBE” vote is the third box down. For those Scots who don’t speak Scottish the Scottish word for maybe is mibbe.

The ballot paper for the referendum.

The ballot paper for the referendum.

We have carefully examined the facts and decided that “maybe” is the way forward!

We ask all our supporters to vote “maybe” on this important referendum.

Thank you and please vote “maybe” tomorrow.

MAYBE is the way forward for Scotland!

The Monkey Party Secretary

Please cast your vote in our poll below:


Scotland Referendum: The Case for a Maybe Vote!

As you all know, Scotland will vote for it independance from the ruthless English thugs later on this year.

This could led to breakup of the Unitied Kingdom as we know it!

We at the Monkey Party take this referendum seriously and we are running the “maybe” campaign.

Putting trust back into Parliament

The public supports the Monkey Party.

We do not support the “yes” campaign led by the pretend King of Scotland Alex Salmond nor do we support the “no” campaign led by the muppet clown David Cameron. The Monkey Party is a political party of principles and we will NEVER form a coalition with an enemy political party as we will NEVER betray our supporters (UNLIKE THE LIB DEMS). Even if we agree with the policys of rival political partys we will never support that policy because it comes from our rivals and not from our own mouths. That is why we are running the case for a “MAYBE” vote at the referendum as we do not back the yes or the no vote.

We at the Monkey Party believe that the “maybe” vote is the best option for the people of Scotland as a vote for either David Cameron “no” vote or the King of Scotland “yes” vote is a vote for tyrants.

The two tyrants who want to rule YOUR life!

The two tyrants who want to rule YOUR life!

YOU ARE FREE PEOPLE – do not vote for a tyrant.

If you vote either “yes” or “no” in the referendum then you are voting for the ruling elite to rule over your LIFE!

BE FREE – do not let a politican rule and ruin your life.

Make your own decisions and live life the way you want to lead it – DONT let others make decisions for you.

If the referendum results with a “MAYBE” results then no one will have won the vote and thus noone will be place in charge of Scotland. The country will be leaderless.

IMAGINE a Scotland without a leader – you will be free to do anything you want (except murder).

THINK of a country without a government! You will be free from rules and laws and more important you will have no tax liabilities. You earn the money so keep it, don’t give your hard earnings to the tryants.

We at the Monkey Party believe that the best politician will be the one that keeps his/her mouth shut and not do anything! SO DON’T vote any such creeps into power. Imagine a country without politicians – there will be no WAR, no DEBT and no TONY BLAIR!

Politicians always screw up! This has been proven to be true many times over in the last sixty years of British politics. So don’t vote for them. Scotland does not need Cameron or King Salmond in power.

The Prime Minister with his referendum chief advisor.

The Prime Minister with his referendum chief advisor.

Each time a politican leader makes a decision or speaks his/her mind – the result has been mayhem! Wars are started, tax goes up and stock markets collapse.

THAT is why you must vote neither “yes” or “no”.

The Electoral Commission has now printed the OFFICAL ballot paper for the referendum. Below is a copy of the ballot paper – as you can see the “MAYBE” vote is the third box down. For those Scots who don’t speak Scottish the Scottish word for maybe is mibbe.

The ballot paper for the referendum.

The ballot paper for the referendum.

We have carefully examined the facts and decided that “maybe” is the way forward!

We ask all our supporters to vote “maybe” on this important referendum.

Thank you and please vote “maybe” in 2014.

MAYBE is the way forward for Scotland!

The Monkey Party Secretary

Please cast your vote in our poll below:


My daytrip to Malmö, Sweden in 2013

Today I was going to cross the Øresund Bridge by train and into Sweden to the city of Malmö.

The Øresund Bridge links Denmark to Sweden and was opened in 2000. It is a dual railway/road bridge and is almost 5 miles in length with a 2.5 mile tunnel preceding the bridge from the Danish side. It only cost 78 DKK (approx. 9 Euros) to cross the bridge by train.

The journey time from Copenhagen to Malmö is approximately half an hour.

My day trip to Sweden was to visit the city of Malmö. This is the third largest city in Sweden and the most southernmost city in Sweden.

Me posing next to Malmö City Hall.

Me posing next to Malmö City Hall.

In recent years, Malmö has become known for it rape crime wave and has earnt the reputation of the rape capital of Europe. A sad reflection on the failings of modern politicians. Putting this aside, Malmö centre has a number of interesting historic buildings and a castle from a time when this part of Sweden was part of Denmark.

The Swedish flags outside the City Hall.

The Swedish flags outside the City Hall.

My visit to Malmö was to start in the city centre in the square.

The city centre had many historic buildings.

The city centre had many historic buildings.

Near the square is St Petri (The Church of Saint Peter). It is a Gothic style in which construction started in 1319. It has a 105 metre tall tower.

The Church of Saint Peter is a Gothic style church.

The Church of Saint Peter is a Gothic style church.

After seeing the church, I was off to Willys supermarket to get my sandwiches. I like Willys.

Willys was very tasty food.

Willys was very tasty food.

Malmö is the host for the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest. This is the yearly contest to find Europe’s worst song and then promote the song in as a song of European unity. The contest is a mismatch of awful singers who had past their time many years ago (or in some cases decades ago).

Malmö is the host for 2013 Eurovision Song Contest.

Malmö is the host for 2013 Eurovision Song Contest.

I was walking around the historic centre of Malmö.

The old buildings of Malmö.

The old buildings of Malmö.

Near the centre of Malmö is the castle.

Malmö Castle is a fortress located in Malmö built in the 1530s.

Malmö Castle is a fortress located in Malmö built in the 1530s.

The castle is now a museum.

This castle replaced the older castle of 1434 by King Eric of Pomerania.

This castle replaced the older castle of 1434 by King Eric of Pomerania.

The castle is near the city park.

This charming windmill is in the park near the castle.

This charming windmill is in the park near the castle.

It was getting late on the afternoon. I was wearing my newly knitted daisy wooly hat.

Me posing next to the windmill.

Me posing next to the windmill.

I was off to the harbour for the sunset.

A Viking boat in the harbour.

A Viking boat in the harbour.

The harbour is a major port for Scandinavian shipping.

The sunset over the lighthouse.

The sunset over the lighthouse.

After visiting the harbour, I watched the sunset over the harbour with the Turning Torso tower in the background. The Turning Torso is the tallest skyscraper in Sweden.

The sunset over the harbour with the Turning Torso in the background.

The sunset over the harbour with the Turning Torso in the background.

For more information about Malmö please visit:

http://www.malmo.se/english