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Posts tagged “youtube

Monkey’s Christmas speech 2015

The webmaster team are please to announce the OFFICAL MONKEY CHRISTMAS SPEECH:

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2015.

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2015.

“Hello and merry Christmas everyone.

2015 was the year that we all got older. For many of us, we came to realise that our bodies are no longer in prime condition and it is becoming harder to make love in the bedroom. That is why those who are younger and more able than our elders must do more in the bedroom and make love as often as you can. Because when you get older, you will realise that you are no longer able to do it! So enjoy it whilst you still can. Thank you for listening and merry Christmas everyone – Sgt. Monkey.”


Monkey’s Christmas speech 2014

The webmaster team are please to announce the OFFICAL MONKEY CHRISTMAS SPEECH:

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2014.

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2014.

“Hello and merry Christmas everyone.

2014 was the year that WW3 almost broke out between the west and Russia. With war looming we must not worry and just think of the ones that we love this Christmas, that is what really matters. We must also love our neighbours as the bible say so. So please make love to them also as well as your wife. Remember to use a condom as unprotected sex can increase the chance of catching Ebola and the seasonal winter flu. I also ask all my British fans to consider the General Elections next May and remember that you don’t need anyone to tell you how to live your own life so please don’t vote for any ratface turd and just make your own decisions without anyone from Westminister make decisions for you. Also remember do not drink drive this Christmas as only men with small willys drink drive as they are losers. Thank you for listening and merry Christmas everyone – Sgt. Monkey.”


Monkey’s Christmas speech 2013

The webmaster team are please to announce the OFFICAL MONKEY CHRISTMAS SPEECH:

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2013.

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2013.

“Hello and merry Christmas everyone.

2013 was the year that we worried about our jobs, money, health and schoolwork. But that doesn’t matter this festival period as what really matters is those that you love and that you spend Christmas with the ones that you love – that what really matters. And remember don’t drink and drive. Thank you for listening and merry Christmas everyone – Sgt. Monkey.”


Monkey opens up about his sexuality

British Army Sgt. Monkey yesterday revealed he is dating a monkey – but still like girls.

The 19 year old, who served in war conflicts around the world, broke the news in an emotional youtube video message to his fans.

In the clip, which shows Sgt. Monkey lying on his bed surrounded by union jack pillows, he says his feeling for the unknown monkeyfriend had taken him “by surprise” but he wanted to celebrate his romance rather than hiding it.

Monkey said: “Come spring this year, my life changed massively when I met someone and it made me feel so happy, so safe and everything just feels great. And that someone is a monkey and it did take me by surprise a little bit. It was always in the back of my head that something like that could happen but it wasn’t until spring this year that something just clicked. It felt right and I was like, ‘Ah OK’ and my whole world changed right there and then. And of course I still fancy girls, but right now I’m dating a monkey and I couldn’t be happier. It just feels safe and right.”

Is this the proof that monkey was paying for Pom services?

Monkey with his monkeyfriend.

The webmaster team


Monkey’s Christmas speech 2012

The webmaster team are please to announce the OFFICAL MONKEY CHRISTMAS SPEECH:

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2012.

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2012.

“Hello and merry Christmas everyone.

2012 was a year of more finacial turmoil, job uncertainly, eurozone collapse and the failing financial markets. But, we need to move forward and be positive for the new year. But let us forget our country problems for now and just get drunk and make love to our loved ones. Christmas is the time to forget our problems and to love our neighbours. So I ask all of my fans to take off their clothes and put on a silly Santa hat. The new year will bring both new joys and new problems. If you lose your job, then thank your lucky stars that you still have your loved ones to turn to, so make love to them this Christmas. Thank you for listening and merry Christmas everyone – Sgt. Monkey.”


My trip to Malta and Gozo 2012 – part 3

Having recovered from my infected foot injury I was ready to continue sightseeing around Gozo.

At breakfast I was going over the “holy” lonely planet guide book to see where I could go today.

I was reading up about Gozo from my travel guide book.

First on my sightseeing trip was to see the Inland Sea. The Inland Sea is a lagoon of seawater linked to the sea through an opening formed by a narrow natural arch.

The Inland Sea is connected to the sea by a small tunnel.

Also near the Inland Sea is the Azure Windowis a natural arch featuring a table-like rock over the sea.

Part of this window collapsed only a few months ago.

In the foreground of this photograph is the Blue Hole, a famous dive site on the Island of Gozo.

Last April a large part of the window fell off and made the window larger, more unstable and losing its almost perfect oblong shape. The Maltese authorities expects the window to completely crumble away soon and thus they had already got a name planned for the new rock feature when this does happens. It will be called the Azure Pinnacle.

The window is a popular cliff jumping platform for the stupid. This youtube clip is one such idiot (but funny):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PegJqnzMEn8

The shores around the Azure Window are known for it fossils.

The beach around the window had many fossils.

It is illegal to take any fossils from the beaches in Gozo.

The Azure Window comes with it own set of toilets.

I needed a pee!

Around Gozo were many watchtowers. The towers were built by the Knights of St John to serve as a communication system for the knights as they provided a 360-degree view of the surrounding waters.

Many watchtowers were built around the coastline of Gozo.

Another natural landmark near the Azure Window is Dwejra Bay with it 80 metre high sea cliffs.

The sea cliffs around Dwejra Bay.

It was 4pm and the the air tempertaure was starting to go down. I decided to go on a 10km countryside walk around the north coast of Gozo.

I went for a 10km walk in the late afternoon.

I started the walk in the town of Għarb in the north of Gozo.

The countryside was lovely.

Near the start of the walk was the Shrine of Our Lady of Ta’ Pinu which is a Roman Catholic parish church and minor basilica located some 700 metres (2,300 ft) away from the village of Għarb. The church is dedicated to Blessed Virgin of Ta’ Pinu.

The church was big.

Pope John Paul II celebrated mass here in May 1990. In April 2010, Pope Benedict XVI came here to place a er…. um…. *ahem* a rose at the front of the devotional image of Our Lady Of Ta’ Pinu whatever….

Plenty of grapes growing at this time of the year.

The walk took me along several vine farms.

Many villages had the Virgin Mary statue in its square.

Northern Gozo is very quieter than the rest of Gozo.

Gozo had many churches and chapels.

For a small island, Gozo has many churchs(46 in all) and numerous smaller chapels.

The setting sun made the buildings glow bright orange.

I kept walking untill sunset.

Dusk over the farm fields.

After my day sighting, I was eager to go to bed early as it was June 24th a.k.a Christmas 2 Eve. Christmas 2 is a the summer version of Christmas celebrated on June the 25th. Six months after December 25th. It is celebrated in June because the people of Europe are fed up having to celebrate Christmas in the middle of winter when it is tooooo bloody cold to celebrate anything. So, we moved Christmas to June and called it Christmas 2.

N.B. People from Australia please don’t move Christmas to June or you will have a miserable cold Christmas as well! Stick to December 25th.

I set up a hidden camera in the living room hoping to get a glimpse of Santa delivering my presents.

I saw Santa!!!

The next morning was Christmas 2 Day and I put on my Santa costume.

I decided to dress up as Santa myself.

I then got drunk and tried to pull some Maltese girls.

I got the booze out and party I did.

With the celebrations over, I vomitted over my Auntie’s bed and crashed out.

The next morning I was going over to the Island of Malta for sightseeing.

To be continued….

For more information on sightseeing around Gozo please visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santwarju_tal-Madonna_ta%27_Pinu

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azure_Window


Monkey’s Christmas speech 2011

The webmaster team are please to announce the OFFICAL MONKEY CHRISTMAS SPEECH:

Monkey wish everyone a very merry Christmas 2011.

“Hello and merry Christmas everyone.

2011 was the year of turmoil, with flooding in Asia, job uncertainly, eurozone collapse and the failing financial markets. But, we need to move forward and be positive for the new year. That is why I am going to get stupidly drunk this Sunday and make a fool of myself putting the past behind me. But next week, the new year starts and we will make 2012 a great year. The Eurozone will pay off it debts, everyone will have jobs, we will have a smashing summer and I am going to party the year away. Auntie L. has already got summer hoilday plans for me and Uncle P. is moving into his new job. We have a lovely new house with a lovely hedgehog and we will be growing vegetables in the back garden whilst the homebrew is brewing in the shed. Thank you for listening and merry Christmas everyone – Sgt. Monkey.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWgwTe01kMU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx4Cyhf_neU&feature=related